The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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