There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
