kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
