not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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