a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
