Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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