so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
