he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
