why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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