i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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