And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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