he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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