I puked a lego.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
