I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
