Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
