I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
