We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
