Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
