yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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