I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
