I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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