I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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