I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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