sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
