I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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