I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
