I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Congratulations! We have a period
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