you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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