Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
