Me too!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
