Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize