make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
