Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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