we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
