i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
