I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
