There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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