i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
