He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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