weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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