I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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