I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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