I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
