so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my shit smells like andre
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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