you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
