Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
