Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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