I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
