Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
