There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
