there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
