Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
