there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
