Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
