his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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