I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She announced her abortion via fbk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize