Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
