More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
