When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
