I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
