whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
