So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
