Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
