it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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