You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
