"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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