my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we're so committed to being not committed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
