what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
