they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
