Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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