Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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