Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
