I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
